Saying 268 - Friendship & Enmity (Part 1 of 2)
﷽
In the Name of Allah, the All-Beneficent, the All-Merciful
: وقال عليه السلام
أَحْبِبْ حَبِيبَكَ هَوْناً مَا عَسَى أَنْ يَكُونَ بَغِيضَكَ يَوْماً مَا،
وَأَبْغِضْ بَغِيضَكَ هَوْناً مَا عَسَى أَنْ يَكُونَ حَبِيبَكَ يَوْماً مَا
Amīr al-Muʾminīn, peace be upon him, said:
“Have love for your friend up to a limit, for it is possible that he may turn into your enemy some day; and hate your enemy up to a limit for it is possible that he may turn into your friend some day.”
Read this saying of Imām ʿAlī (ʿa) out loud, and you will notice that there is a beautiful rhythm to it, and hence easy to memorize. Moreover, it is truly an important one to memorize, for the principle presented by Amīr al-Muʾminīn (ʿa) gives us guidance on the important topic of friendship. Imām (ʿa) talks about friendship and enmity in this ḥadīth, and how important it is to practice moderation for both.
Friendships, as we know, can make or break us. A pious and good friend is a Divine blessing, and can improve the quality of our lives. A lot has been written about friendship in our Islamic texts, and the Qurʾān discusses this topic too.
Some Qurʾānic guidelines regarding Friendship:
Regret For Choosing The Wrong Friend From Sūrah al-Furqān, Āyāt 27 to 29:
وَيَوْمَ يَعَضُّ الظَّالِمُ عَلَىٰ يَدَيْهِ يَقُولُ يَا لَيْتَنِي اتَّخَذْتُ مَعَ الرَّسُولِ سَبِيلًا [٢٧]
يَا وَيْلَتَىٰ لَيْتَنِي لَمْ أَتَّخِذْ فُلَانًا خَلِيلًا [٢٨]
لَّقَدْ أَضَلَّنِي عَنِ الذِّكْرِ بَعْدَ إِذْ جَاءَنِي ۗ وَكَانَ الشَّيْطَانُ لِلْإِنسَانِ خَذُولًا [٢٩]
It will be a day when the wrongdoer will bite his hands, saying, ‘I wish I had followed the Apostle’s way! (27)
Woe to me! I wish I had not taken so and so as a friend! (28)
Certainly he led me astray from the Reminder after it had come to me, and Satan is a deserter of man.’ (29)
Refrain from these People, Befriend these People Instead From Sūrah at-Tawbah, Āyāt 67 and 71
Allah (swt) guides us to avoid these kind of people:
الْمُنَافِقُونَ وَالْمُنَافِقَاتُ بَعْضُهُم مِّن بَعْضٍ ۚ يَأْمُرُونَ بِالْمُنكَرِ وَيَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ الْمَعْرُوفِ وَيَقْبِضُونَ أَيْدِيَهُمْ ۚ نَسُوا اللَّهَ فَنَسِيَهُمْ ۗ إِنَّ الْمُنَافِقِينَ هُمُ الْفَاسِقُونَ
The hypocrites, men and women, are all alike: they bid what is wrong and forbid what is right; and are tight-fisted. They have forgotten Allah, so He has forgotten them. The hypocrites are indeed the transgressors. (9:67)
The Qurʾān (in the same sūrah) gives alternatives, and guides to the kind of people one should befriend instead:
وَالْمُؤْمِنُونَ وَالْمُؤْمِنَاتُ بَعْضُهُمْ أَوْلِيَاءُ بَعْضٍ ۚ يَأْمُرُونَ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَيَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ الْمُنكَرِ وَيُقِيمُونَ الصَّلَاةَ وَيُؤْتُونَ الزَّكَاةَ وَيُطِيعُونَ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ ۚ أُولَٰئِكَ سَيَرْحَمُهُمُ اللَّهُ ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ
But the faithful, men and women, are comrades of one another: they bid what is right and forbid what is wrong and maintain the prayer, give the zakat, and obey Allah and His Apostle. It is they to whom Allah will soon grant His mercy. Indeed Allah is all-mighty, all-wise. (9:71)
The Most Important Criteria For A Good Friend is TAQWĀ, From Sūrah az-Zukhruf, Ayāh 67:
الْأَخِلَّاءُ يَوْمَئِذٍ بَعْضُهُمْ لِبَعْضٍ عَدُوٌّ إِلَّا الْمُتَّقِينَ
On that day, friends will be one another’s enemies, except for the Godwary. (43:67)
After observing the guidelines from the Qurʾān about friendship and enmity, let us now try to understand the saying under discussion of Imām ʿAlī (ʿa), where he says:
“Have love for your friend up to a limit, for it is possible that he may turn into your enemy some day; and hate your enemy up to a limit for it is possible that he may turn into your friend some day.”
What Imām (ʿa) is guiding us to, is moderation in our friendships and enmities:
Neither should we be extremely close to our friend, where he/she knows all my secrets. Should this friendship turn sour then this level of closeness can be dangerous.
Nor should we be so advanced in our enmity that we leave no path open for that enmity to turn into a friendship or an alliance.
The word «هَون» means easy or light, so in this case Imām (ʿa) is using this word to convey to us that we should take it easy with who we befriend, and who we stay away from. He is alluding to the reality that sometimes these relationships break, or change.
For example, you avoid a person totally and that person comes into your life as a neighbor, or by marriage or through a business deal. If the aloofness is very advanced, then making the change to friendship can cause much embarrassment.
Another example is if a friend is extremely close to you and you share all your secrets and the friend knows your life thoroughly, if this friendship turns sour, this may also cause embarrassment.
It is only a Divinely-chosen Imām who can guide us on such intricacies of our lives.
A hadīth that is similar to Saying 268 of Nahj al-Balāghah, is quoted from Imām Jaʿfar aṣ-Ṣādiq (ʿa) where he says:
لا تُطْلِعْ صَدِيقَکَ مِنْ سِرِّکَ إِلاَّ عَلَى مَا لَوِ اطَّلَعَ عَلَيْهِ عَدُوُّکَ لَمْ يَضُرَّکَ فَإِنَّ الصَّدِيقَ قَدْ يَكُونُ عَدُوَّکَ يَوْماً مَا
“Do not let your friend know your secrets, unless these secrets will not harm you if your enemies hear them. One day your friend might turn into your enemy.”
These verses from a poem attributed to Imām ʿAlī (ʿa) carry a similar message to saying 268:
وَأَحْبِبْ إذا أَحْبَبْتَ حُبّاً مُقارِباً فَإنَّکَ لاتَدْري مَتى أَنْتَ نازِعٌ
وَأَبْغِضْ إذا أَبْغَضْتَ بُغْضاً مُقارِباً فَإِنَّکَ لاتَدْري مَتى أَنْتَ راجِعٌ
“When you plan to be friends with someone, observe moderation - because you don't know when you will be separated from him.
And if you have enmity with someone, do not completely separate from him, because you do not know when you will return to him.”
Observing Divine Standards in Friendship and Enmity
There is no doubt that in Islam, the issue of love and hatred must be based on Divine criteria, which is known as the principle of Tawallī and Tabarrī.
(Tawallī means to the love the friends of Allah, and Tabarrī is hating the enemies of Allah)
These are two basic principles and part of our Furūʿ ad-Dīn (Branches of Religion). The Divine criteria for loving or staying aloof from someone is on the basis of that person’s relationship with Allah (swt) and this is explained well in this ayāh:
لَّا تَجِدُ قَوْمًا يُؤْمِنُونَ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ يُوَادُّونَ مَنْ حَادَّ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ وَلَوْ كَانُوا آبَاءَهُمْ أَوْ أَبْنَاءَهُمْ أَوْ إِخْوَانَهُمْ أَوْ عَشِيرَتَهُمْ ۚ أُولَٰئِكَ كَتَبَ فِي قُلُوبِهِمُ الْإِيمَانَ وَأَيَّدَهُم بِرُوحٍ مِّنْهُ ۖ وَيُدْخِلُهُمْ جَنَّاتٍ تَجْرِي مِن تَحْتِهَا الْأَنْهَارُ خَالِدِينَ فِيهَا ۚ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمْ وَرَضُوا عَنْهُ ۚ أُولَٰئِكَ حِزْبُ اللَّهِ ۚ أَلَا إِنَّ حِزْبَ اللَّهِ هُمُ الْمُفْلِحُونَ
You will not find a people believing in Allah and the Last Day endearing those who oppose Allah and His Apostle even though they were their own parents, or children, or brothers, or kinsfolk. [For] such, He has written faith into their hearts and strengthened them with a spirit from Him. He will admit them into gardens with streams running in them, to remain in them [forever], Allah is pleased with them, and they are pleased with Him. They are Allah’s confederates. Look! The confederates of Allah are indeed felicitous! (Sūrah al-Mujādilah: 22)
This verse clearly states the guidelines for loving or staying aloof from someone:
Even if the closest relatives of a person deviate from the path of truth and step on the path of disbelief, error, cruelty and rebellion, the friendship should be cut off from them.
And if the most distant, unrelated people tread on the path of God, knowledge, piety, justice and purity, you should establish a close friendship with them.
We conclude this newsletter, with a Duʿāʾ to Allah (swt) to enrich our lives by giving us friends who inspire us to get closer to Him. Āmīn.
Next week, we will look at the factors that spoil a good friendship so that we can avoid them, inshāʾAllāh!